Monthly Archives: February 2016

The vibe of Blasphemy

The vibe of blasphemy is all bad. No good can come from such a thing. Blasphemy suggests that God is wrong, or imperfect, or not all that good. Believers are certain that God is immaculate and all powerful, which is why they have very little time for anyone who thinks otherwise. In a world ruled by those who believe in God, blasphemy is a dangerous game. Early blasphemers learn the error of their ways in brutal fashion: they are taken outside the Israelite camp in the Sinai desert and bashed to death with rocks. From then on. The Bible has no time whatsoever for people who want to insult, alter or otherwise mess with the program. With its irreverent vibe, blasphemy sits comfortably alongside heresy (not sticking to the script), apostasy (no longer having faith in God) and infidelity (never having faith in the first place). Christians believe that the name of God is holy, and so any instance where this name is simply being used to make a point (For God’s sake! Jesus! Cor Blimey!) amounts to blasphemy. In other words, it is a crime against God, which is the very worst crime in the bag. Consider that next time you want to shriek “OMG OMG!” because you just won a competition on a radio phone-in.

General vibe of Blasphemy: Badmouthing God

Factvibe: As late as 1922, salesman John William Gott was jailed for blasphemy in Edinburgh.

OMG_smaller

Ok. You’re happy/surprised/shocked. We get it. Enough already

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The vibe of Noah’s Ark

The ark is a giant boat built by Noah and his sons in order to escape a flood sent by God to wipe out the human race. That’s a lot of responsibility for one boat and the demands don’t stop there. Not only must the ark be large enough to accommodate Noah, his sons and everyone’s wives for over a month, it has to have enough space to store two of every kind of animal currently on Planet Earth. With his limited workforce, Noah constructs a vessel so huge that its vibe is not surpassed until Brunel’s Great Eastern is launched in 1858. The ark itself is made from an unidentified type of wood referred to as ‘gopher’ and is lined with a resinous substance called pitch. The ark has three decks and measures 450 feet long, 50 feet wide and 45 feet high. It is clearly waterproof and seaworthy, managing to stay afloat without major mishap until the floodwater recedes. How Noah manages to keep his floating menagerie fed while everyone is incarcerated is not mentioned in the Bible, it is the fact that the humans and animals survived that is important, not the details of their eating and toilet arrangements. Interestingly, the ark has no sails and no rudder – navigation is left to God. It simply floats until the floodwater recedes, finally coming to rest in a mountainous region of Eastern Turkey, where Noah, his family and countless animals disembark two by two and begin life on earth all over again.

General vibe of the Ark: Floating zoo

Factvibe: The ark was twice as long than a tea clipper but only half as long as an ocean liner, or in other words, 450 ft. (137m)

unicorn

No one told the unicorns the ark was leaving.