Few vibes in the Bible are as foxy as that of Bathsheba. It all kicks off around 1000BC when Bathsheba, wife of a general in King David’s Israelite army decides to take a bath. At this precise moment, David is wandering around on the roof of his house and from his fortunate vantage point, sees his general’s attractive young wife in a state of undress. Fire burns in his royal loins and he determines that the fox in the bath must be his. After a quick tumble with the king in the royal bedchamber, Bathsheba discovers she is pregnant. What follows can only be described as the ‘low point’ of David’s reign. He summons Bathsheba’s husband Uriah back from besieging the Ammonite city of Rabbath and does everything he can to get him in bed with Bathsheba. After all, if Uriah sleeps with Bathsheba he might think the child is his. But, like many warriors of his time, Uriah abstains from making late night ladymusic while fighting and, despite being told to go home to his bed, he camps instead at the gates of David’s palace. Frantic that he is about to be outed as an adulterer, David sends Uriah back to the battle but makes sure he is in the thick of the fiercest fighting. Uriah dies relatively soon after this, but there is no immediate happy ending for the two lovebirds – their baby son dies soon after he is born. Bathsheba and David go on to have another son, Solomon who becomes one of Israel’s greatest kings, allowing any number of artists to use Bathsheba as an excuse to paint pictures of naked girls in bathtubs.
General vibe of Bathsheba: Absolute fox
Factvibe: Bathsheba doesn’t get her name for being discovered in a bath, her name means Daughter of the Oath.